HOW TO BECOME IRRELEVANT IN 5 EASY STEPS

Getting left behind in this industry is not as easy as you might think. Given that so many in our business are good people, who are deeply kind and forgiving, it can take years before you slowly fade away. Because a lot of folks can be impatient for this to happen, I decided to help out with this list:

1. Instinctively shoot down any and all new techniques before you fully understand them: This one is important, because if you take the time to learn about them first, than people will still value your opinion. It is important that you instead diss new practices and techniques with only the slightest bit of information, so people can sense outright that you are full of shit, and soon dismiss you altogether.

2. All interactions with less experienced bartenders should be one-sided: This one is harder to accomplish than you might think, because constantly lecturing those younger than you is hard work. If you take a break for only a split second you might accidentally hear their side & that is no good, as it will no doubt give you a broader perspective. Which will only hinder you when trying to become old news.

3. Cast aside working experience & only judge others by their age: Just because another bartender is younger than you, there is still a good chance that they might have more management, nightclub, etc experience than you in a given field, but you must do your best to not allow this fact to interfere with you looking down on them as hopeless noobs. After all, you are older than them & that in itself is all you need to know in regards to how you treat them.

4. Stop traveling & visiting other bars: We already mentioned earlier that expanding your horizons is the bane of irrelevance, so whatever you do, be certain to insulate yourself from enthusiastic and passionate young bartenders, who will no doubt become future industry leaders. Instead, stay in your comfort zone, so your delicate sensibilities can remain unchallenged. However, if you must go to a new bar...

5. Only focus on what the bars are doing wrong: There has never been a better time in the history of mankind to be a lover of mixed drinks, but don’t let this irrefutable fact stop you from having a miserable time at every hot, new bar you go to. Instead of enjoying the immaculate design and warm service, why not focus on the tiniest minutia that 99.9% guests will never notice? Was the bartender's tie bar a couple of millimeters too low? Or perhaps the bottle was not handled with labels completely facing the guest? This alone should be enough to make you poo poo them whenever their name is mentioned.

I know these 5 items might seem easy, but making them a part of your daily life takes serious discipline. But have no fear, if you stick to these and internalize them as habits, you will be a thing of the past in no time!